Do you have any experiences with the Confidence chapter to share? What action steps have you tried? What stories do you have about the need for confidence in your life? What encouragement can you offer to other readers on the confidence portion of their journey?
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Katie Brazelton & Shelley Leith
C0-Authors
30 comments:
So far I think confidence is the area I need the most work in. I believe this area affects all the other areas for me.
Confidence is crucial to my living the life God wants. Until I read CM, I had no idea how desperate I am for assurance - it was covered by layers of bad coping mechanisms and blame on others! As long as I can stay focused on true humility and God's vision of and for me, He can keep me on track!
I've always fallen into the trap of thinking that my problems are unique and my talents are common, which apparently is actually quite common. :) The authors present the Biblical truth that our problems are common and our talents are unique. Having this truth freshly presented has caused me to start looking at my talents in a whole new light.
If I thought last chapter's adventure with humility was a challenge, then little did I know that fear would find me lacking in confidence. The bump on the head I experienced with the bicycle accident (humility blog)lead to a retina threatening to detach. As I sat in the hospital waiting to be examined, I had to accept that I had little confidence in Father God's physical healing. How embarrassing, to be part of a healing team, and feel this fear. Confidence for others, but not for myself! The words I read in this Confidence Chapter, Bible verses and thoughts from Shelly and Katie,went through my mind as the eye specialist examined me. My confidence just has to be in Jesus. I stepped out and gently told the doctor that I would be praying in the name of Jesus. The doctor said it would be the first study on prayer and prevention of detached retina in England. We are away next week, so this topic will have time to sink in as I wait on the Lord and pray for confidence to grow in Him, and not in my ability to pray.Kathy Smith an American living in England
Fear wants to wrap itself around me like a web. I realize I must fear God not man. As I read the chapter I realized pleasing man has been a theme of my life. I am trying to live my life more for the audience on one-God- and not so much for the approval of man.
I have a false confident. I seem very confident to the world outside, just like Kathryn. I probably seem like I have it all together. On the inside I am burning with fear of failure, of someone finding out I do not have it all together. I think what I am learning through the CM study is not that to have true confidence (or any of the other characteristics) I need to have in through Christ, not through myself.
Yes, and the truth shall set me free, free to confidently walk through life knowing the One who has the last Word on my worth loves me very much. Psalm 139 has often been a place to go when life punches me in the stomach, when truth takes a hike and my mind defaults to extreme thinking.
How does reading it affect my self esteem? It makes me feel precious and special just to know that creating me was God's idea. It brings me comfort being God's baby girl crafted by His hand and designed for my unique purpose - fearfully and wonderfully made by the BEST. He knows everything about me, made every inch of me, and that's good enough for me.
While reflecting on the confidence trait today, Casting Crown's "Voice of Truth" came to mind.
Here is a link to that song as one of my Godtube favourites: http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=c1017d3df6b44b7c4550.
It gets me every time. The song, and the voice of truth.
Like Rebecca, I too have a false confidence. How stressful it has been to put on a show for the world and keep my struggles to myself! I am now laying my burdens on God and opening up to the wonderful friends God has put in my life. I am finding that confidence and humility share a lot of the same negative traits....
"I will use my own measuring stick." For so many years my worth or lack thereof was based on someone else's measuring stick and I always came up way short. I am learning how to evaluate myself based on what God's Word says about me. I am unique and with that uniqueness, God gave me a purpose that only I can achieve. I am realizing that I am a fun joyful person and I am working on liking myself. When I like myself, I will be more confident and this will enable me to reach out to others. It is so freeing to realize I don't have to "do" anything. I just have to "be" the me God created. That's confidence!
Day 8
Day 8 - Faith in God
This weeks chapter is about confidence. I will admit to you here that when I saw this weeks topic was confidence, I thought for sure I had this chapter whooped! After all I am I am in my thirties, flirty and fabulous! Or so I thought. The in the thirties part is still true!
Today's talked about how confidence does not come from good posture, dressing for success, or any superficial thing. It comes from your faith. The author points out a valid point. Sociologist agree that our self esteem is based on what we believe the most important person in our life thinks of us.
Simply stated, when the most important person in your life thinks you are wonderful, you feel wonderful and it shows. However, if they are mad at you, you feel guilty, confused, angry and hurt. Your self confidence takes a blow, and that too shows.
The author then goes on to share the story of Deborah from the book of Judges. Deborah rallied the troops and one the battle because of her faith in God. She had confidence.
What qualities did she have?
She was a problem solver. She saw a situation that need to be handled and she stepped up to the plate.
She was a risk taker. Because of her faith in God, she did not fear the outcome.
She was realistic about her strengths.
She showed competence because she listed to God.
She knew her purpose.
She was aware of what she was NOT qualified to do.
Sounds like my kind of girl. She sounded like me…until I took the confidence self-test. Thirteen questions, my dear readers. You checked the box the either applied to confidence or insecurity. Let me give you an example:
Confidence: I find the positive side of negative events.
Insecurity: I see a negative event as a reason to quit.
Thirteen questions just like this one. Now if I were the confident individual I thought I was before the test, I would have check confidence. However at the end of the test, I had no boxes checked. Why, you ask? Because I discovered I am a middle of the road person!
I have been thinking about this all day. My confidence apparently depends on the situation, my mood, the time of day, week, month or year. I never realized this about myself. Is this good or bad? I don't know! At least if I was insecure I would be something, but instead I am just walking the fence!
It is not taking me long at all to realize I am not the person I thought I was!
I am vigilantly working on my action steps. I made a little card to carry around with me so I can be sure I am remembering and practicing what I need to do.
Please keep me in your prayers, as this is quite a challenge!
Nellie ;~)
Day 9
Day 9: Insecurity: Exposing Your Inner Charlie Brown
I am going to assume that we have all seen at least one Charlie Brown cartoon. That loveable character that we all just want to crawl into the cartoon with a give a great big hug to. The one who does not see themselves as who they really are and because of that allows his mood and thoughts about himself be dictated by others.
Sound familiar? Well it did to me.
Many, many times in my life I have allowed others thoughts and actions dictate my thoughts and actions.
Many things can rob you of your self confidence. Abuse, neglect, failure, unkind words. According to the author, you need three things to help keep you from having your confidence robbed.
Know who you are.
Know why you are here.
Know what you are worth.
For many years I lived under the misconception that I am exactly what you say I am, there is no reason for me to be here, and I am worth nothing.
To be honest, after years of therapy and more books then I can count, I thought I had gotten over that. That I no longer felt that way. As I read today's chapter through my endless river of tears, I realized my inner Charlie Brown is still very much alive and kicking.
There are three things an insecure person uses…to self sabotage.
Perfectionism: Oh how I know this one. My house has to have everything just so. If you have moved it a millimeter, I can tell. I strive to be like Martha, Stewart that is. I long to be the perfect wife, mother, employee and church attendee. I am responsible for killing a small forest. If I write something and it's sloppy I have to write it again and again until it is…(wanna guess?) you guessed it perfect! I have cleaned to the point of exhaustion so my house is, what's the word I'm looking for? Perfect! Dinner…perfect. Laundry…perfect. I think you get the general idea.
Control: Ok I am really going to bare it now… I like control. I compensate for being out of control by controlling all that I can. When I cannot control it I am angry and unhappy. I often think things should go my way…after all my way is the perfect way….
Depression: Boy, do I know this one. I have suffered from depression off and on my entire life. Sometimes I had reasons to be down. Others times I did not. My depressive spells are as black as the night sky. During those times, I hate myself. There is no one lower then me at that point. Thankfully, they happen less and less now.
Next in the chapter we take a little confidence robber self assessment test. You were to check all that you have done. I CHECKED ALL BUT ONE!!!!!
They are:
Perfectionism
Control
Mistaking feelings for fact
Projecting
Deflecting Complements
Downplaying
Comparison
Entrenchment - oddly this is the one I did not pick.
Futuring.
I find something very ironic here. I prayed for God to guide me to something that would bring me out of my funk when I went to the Christian book store. The book shown like the star of Bethlehem. Yet, this book forces me to see myself as I really am. Could it be that once I become "real" He can then show me the path He has for me? Could it be the reason for my constant circle of dysfunction I travel, is really because I have suppressed my inner issues so much I have developed an illusion about myself and who I really am?
Truth be told, I could very well be the worlds best actress and I did not even know it!
Once I brought this book home, I realized this book was much different from the usual self help/psychology book I love to read. (A psychologist is what I want to be when I grow up) Once I knew this truth, I decided I would blog my daily journey. I knew there are a few people who read my blog on a regular basis and once I started, I knew I could not stop. Henceforth, forcing me through the journey.
In nine days I have experienced a wide and random range of emotions. I have made some self discoveries and battled some long buried demons. This journey may be rough and the path uncertain, but I have a inkling that there is a bright and beautiful light at the end of the tunnel.
Nellie ;~)
Day 10
Day 10 - How to be nice to yourself
This is something that I have struggled with for…I am not sure how long. I will be nice to you all you want. I will bend over backwards to help you. I will help you even if it hurts me, but being nice to myself, that is just out of the question.
I am the first to admit that I am way harder on myself then you could ever be. I am the first to admit my failures and mistakes. In fact, the perfectionist and control freak in me will one up you. Not only will I admit my failures and mistakes first, I will be the first to rake myself over the coals and that is something I can do very well!
I will follow that up with the best case of poor pity me you have EVER seen. My award winning performance is sending my to Hollywood, baby!
During today's reading, a quote from Rick Warren stood out to me. (Here is where I will admit, I have yet to jump on the Purpose Driven Life bandwagon) He said, that we believe our problems are unique but not our potential.
Stop and think for just a moment….
Did you get the light bulb too??? Any problem I am facing at any given time is not unique by any means. We have ALL struggled with money, death, illness, job issues, marital issues, heartaches, trials and tribulations. Each issue may have it's own unique twist, but at the core death is death, illness is illness, money is money.
My potential and my gifts are unique to me, just as yours are to you. You may be a great painter. You can paint a portraits and landscapes worthy of the Louver. I however can slap some paint on the wall and that is as far as I can go. No masterpiece. Just paint on a wall. Your gift is unique to you just like each and every artists gifts are unique to them.
Often times I will joke around about what a great and wonderful person I am. However, that is just what it is. A joke. I really don't feel that way at all. Today I thought I would close with a few good (and serious) things about myself!
* I am an organized person. I am good at helping others get organized.
* I am a loving person, and when I love, I love with my entire being.
* I am a good cook.
* I am a loving wife.
* I am a good housekeeper.
* I am a good employee.
*Most importantly, I am beautiful inside and out, for I am a creation of God's and God creates no trash.
Nellie ;~)
Day 11
Day 11 - Your confidence coach….
Today's chapter posed some interesting and thought provoking questions. Such as how God confident are you? At first glance, it would appear that the answer would be a simple I am or I'm not answer, right? Not for me, but hey, what else is new?
My self description is: I am a complex and complicated individual. I am but a small grain of sand on a vast shore. I am beautifully random.
It not only sounds nice and poetic, but it is the truth. Being complex, complicated and random, NEVER gives me a simple yes or no answer to anything!
Back to the question. How God confident am I? Well, I am very confident. God is the Alpha and Omega, the Lord and Ruler of the universe. God is a great and mighty being. God is with me every hour of every day. My confidence in God is not the problem. I am very confident in Him and all He can do.
Control and fear is my problem. I am 100% confident God can do it…but will He????
Like all human beings, I think I know better what I need then God does. Imagine that! Let's take a moment to compare the two of us, shall we? (This should be good!)
God: Has the ability to create. Can move mountains. Can calm the sea. Is every where at all times. Controls all things. Knows what the future holds. Can start and stop time. Is holy, merciful and full of grace. He is in all things.
Me: My creative skills are limited to say the least. I have trouble moving out of bed, so you know I'm not moving any mountains. Calming seas…honey, I cannot even calm my nerves. I am everywhere at all times, but not in the same way. Control, well, I can't even control my frizzy hair let alone the world around me. I have no clue about the future. I can't even tell you what I am doing for dinner tonight! I think you can see the big difference there.
God can fix my financial woes. He can cure my illnesses. He can heal my broken heart. He can restore my family. He can do anything I ask. However I know that sometimes He doesn't and if He does, it is not the way I WANT Him to do it, and that my darlings is where my issue lies!
Most of us pray for something specific when we pray. God always hears those prayers but often answers in ways we did not have in mind. Example:
"Lord, please heal my sick child" If God reaches down and cures your child's disease, then we smile and think, prayer answered. However, if God chooses to answer that prayer by taking her away from her sick earthly body and giving her a new one in His kingdom, we tend not to think of that as an answered prayer. Truthfully, either way, your prayer was answered, just not in your preferred method.
This is my plight. I want it MY way. I want the prayers answered the way I think is best. I want to pull God out of a magic box, fix my problem, and put Him back in the box until I need Him again. I want to be in COMPLETE control. After all, my decisions are always good, right? WRONG!!!
My track records speaks for itself. A failed marriage. Lost friends. Drugs. Alcohol. I could give you a long list, but frankly, I want to go to bed some time tonight. Name one wrong choice God made….
I couldn't think of one either.
Day 13 and 14
I am going to use this time to write about my action steps from last week. I am going to continue to work on them, but this is how it is going so far.
I will study God.
I have been putting an extra effort into personal bible study as well as listening to the bible on CD every night before going to bed.
I will hunt for God.
I will be honest, I really have not done this one, so I am going to put it at the top of my list for the upcoming week!
I will stop trying so hard to be perfect.
I have taken this exercise in a couple of different directions. I have been making an extra effort to not wear so much make-up. This way, I am being more real and natural and worrying so much about looking perfect.
When I have made a mistake, I have apologized for it. After all I am sorry and I try to fix it if it is fixable. However, I have mad a conscious effort not to make a big deal out of it or beat myself up for it. NONE of us are perfect. There was but one and we know what happened to Him.
I will not boast.
Unless, I have forgotten something, (which is possible) I have not done this.
I will check my motives.
I have not gotten a chance to use this one yet. Nothing has come up where I would have had any reason to use an “ulterior” motive.
I will be an encourager.
I already did this one…to some extent. I have tried much harder to do this more often. My close friend I work with said that at first it seemed tense. I think I was trying too hard, but I am trying to make ALL words uplifting.
I will be a helper.
I have not had an opportunity to use this one either.
This past week, I have noticed a few things. (This may actually fit in with my God hunt) I have experienced a joy that I have not know for a long time. The kind that runs deep and pierces your heart. (You can look through my blogs and read the one entitled “A Gift From Heaven, it was a poem written for him a long time ago)
I have laughed harder then I have in a long time. The genuine laugh that makes your stomach and side hurt, yet feels so good you pray you never stop.
I have experienced a deeper love from my husband. I am unsure if God has given me new eyes, or my husband is responding to me. Either way, it has reminded me of all the reasons I love my husband and why he may possibly be the best human being I have ever met.
I want to pause here for a moment before closing. I want to thank all of you who are walking with me through this journey. For those of you who are silently following along, thank you. I may not know who you are but I feel your prayers.
For those of you who have kindly commented on my writing. Thank you as well. Your words of encouragement have really helped me to keep going through this tough but desperately needed journey and they have been a wonderful example of how I can be an encourager myself.
For those of you who have yet to come. I pray you read my journey and choose to take one of your own. Sometimes God has to break through barriers to get to you and your heart, but as painful as it is, it is so worth it.
Nellie;~)
Day 12 - Steps to Confidence
As with day 5, today's lesson required that I choose from various action steps for the upcoming week. As with day 5, I will make a list that I will take with me everywhere to help me keep my 'plan of action' in check! This is what I have chosen:
I will lighten up.
Now anyone who knows me knows that I am a jovial person. I laugh and crack jokes all the time. I LOVE TO LAUGH! However, since I am working on being real, that is my defense mechanism. I may be laughing on the outside, but inside is a battle better then any Hollywood could ever dream of. The outside is holding together nicely while the inside…well the multitudes are screaming "Down with our incompetent leader!"
I will work on liking myself.
Anyone who knows me personally will tell you I never leave home without makeup. What would people think? I HATE the way I look without it. However, I am going to take the time to reveal my God-given beauty to the world, and go out without it. I am going to accept what I look like naturally. The way God intended. Am I going to stop wearing make-up all together, no, but I am going to stop obsessing over it. I am going to take the time each day to look in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful just the way god made me.
I will give myself grace.
Frankly, I am not sure exactly how I am going to this one yet. I am looking to God to guild me and show me.
I'm learning to let God lead me. I'm growing in confidence but wish I was more beautiful physically. However, I accept the way God has created me and praise Him for the numerous talents and gifts He has showered me with.
Character Makeover Week Two Action Step Update…
At the end of week two of my character makeover, I chose the following action steps:
1. I will lighten up.
2. I will work on liking myself.
3. I will give myself grace.
4. I will let go of perfectionism
I am so grateful that lightening up was not referring to pounds! I so would have flunked that action step! I have been trying to see the lighter side of things and focus less on doom and gloom. Not everything needs to be a major panic.
Liking myself…I would like to point out here that Rome was not built in a day. Some things take time.
As for grace…to be honest I have forgotten all about this step, or perhaps it’s a case of selective memory. I will be sure to work on this one for the next update.
Notice how week one and week two both had action steps about perfectionism. Did you read in the update for week one about how I did not make my bed all last weekend? It’s a start! Sadly, that’s the only thing I have to report on that front.
Until next time…
Nellie
My past has been filled with great fear and trepidation, blocking me from being the “real” me. I’ve longed for the world’s approval, believing that what other people thought of me was more important than what I thought or what God thought (i.e., other’s esteem verses self esteem and God’s esteem), but now I realize that, what I think and what God thinks is what really matters. That’s where the truth & light shine, and in that freedom. It took learning to love me, letting God love me, and having enough faith to truly depend on Him, to fully live this truth. My significance is now found in God….because of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. Today, when I make mistakes, I see it as a growth step rather than failure. Because of this new greater confidence, I’ve been able to turn my mess into my message.
I am trusting God, that with the help of a coach, He will reveal why I am here. I am excited and scared, but ready to live it out.
For years the enemy had me bound with low self-esteem and fear, until the Lord opened my eyes - fearless is my new name! The more I tried to avoid public speaking (my biggest fear all my life), the more I was being "set-up", until I surrendered all and said to the Lord, "OK, you can have my mouth and my body, I am willing but you have to put the words in my mouth". Of course, the Holy Ghost then made a speech that baffled everyone including me. I realized then that if my confidence is in Him, He transfers back to me and I really can do all things through Christ. If I refuse to speak in front of a small audience, God just shoves me infront of a big arena - so I just surrender, smile and grew in confidence! The enemy was determined to thwart my assignment/purpose to go into all the world with the Gospel, but now he knows there is only one winner in this confidence war - Jesus!
This week I have been overwhelmed with fear and majorly lacking in confidence. The result of this has been feelings of shame & worthlessness at not being the woman God desires me to be. But yesterday when I was spending time in God's Word he reminded me that shame was not from Him. It was as if He said, "Daughter, you can come to be with as much fear as your heart could possibly hold, and I would still accept you, love you, and not be ashamed of you. The bad news is that if you choose to do this, you will not be able to accept the riches I am holding out to you--because your hands will be full with holding all that fear. Drop the fear--daughter of mine--drop the fear that you may run into my arms and embrace me, that you may be filled up with my gifts instead of weighed down with your fear and shame." What a relief to my soul! I am WHOLLY LOVED even as I go through the journey of letting go of myself and holding onto my God. Thank you Lord Jesus. :)
I love how much God delights in us accepting our place as His beloved daughters! I think about how I would feel if my husband didn't proudly exclaim his place as my lover and friend and I wonder if that is how my God feels when I do not confidently assert myself as His lover and friend. My Jesus has died that I might find life and so often I live in shadows. I don't want that anymore! I want to run and dance before Him, glowing with confidence at being His own. Thank you Jesus. :)
Hi. I am a college student and play softball at the college I attend. I never really got a shot at playing softball in high school. My coach always told me I was just "average." Well, I carried those words with me to college. God spoke to me through the confindence section and I realized I do not have to listen to that anymore. I am at a whole new place and get a fresh start. God gave me these talents and I need to realize that I can do all things through Him! I need to use my gifts that He has given me to praise His Name! Thank you Jesus!
I think that confidence is very strongly rooted in faith. Though I've only recently come to realize that in myself. Having faith in yourself and your abilities is one thing, a small-scale thing, but to have faith in your God and his abilities - to KNOW that he has something in mind for you, that he has given you your unique quirks and your life path so that you may turn around and help others on theirs - to have the kind of faith that allows you to just let yourself fall backwards and know that He will catch you and guide you - I think that having faith of this kind is what can give us the most powerful source of confidence. I struggled for years with my own identity and with my identity in Christ but it's only been lately, my pastor has really gotten the message through to me and I've noticed that I'm not actually what I do (as far as my job) but what I do as far as living the life that God has set out for me in the best way that I can.
I have come to realize that if God can have that kind of faith in me, then I have to trust his instincts (who better to trust really?!) and be confident that he has given me the tools to succeed in whatever situation that lies ahead.
I hope my two cents can give you a bit of a different perspective on confidence! I know it's definitely turned the world as I viewed it on its head for me!
Cheers,
Elyse
I am new to this blog and applying to begin training as a Life Coach. I, too, sometimes struggle with the idea that my problems are unique and my talents common. But God continues to do His good work in and through me and I remain teachable. God is not done with me yet! ~ Mary E.
I'm planning on going through this book and the workbook with a group of ladies from my office this fall. Already, I hear confidence is a big issue. Women are afraid of failing and of truly being themselves in many ways. If they don't feel something they are being invited in to is a sure thing or win; many times they will walk right past the opportunity. I'm looking forward to diving into that
Seriously, why is day three like the ultimate test of all things relating to the week's topic?!
So this week is confidence and not being down on yourself and I get horribly embarrassed and ill treated in front of a new member of my own staff. I feel like this book is a baptism of fire in confronting and dealing with issues. I've been going through the character and names of God from last week this week and I'm finding it easier each day to find the time to set aside and spend on God and on myself with God. And that in itself is a massive step forward. I don't know how quickly I can change the tapes in my head but I think honestly acknowledging that change must be made is a good step. I've been a lot more mindful of my actions, towards myself and others. But I tell you what-- next week I'm going to make sure I do some serious prayer warfare before day 3 next week!!
I am blessed by the chapter on Confidence. I no longer think of the problems I go through as unique, they are universal, the potential that God has given me is unique and makes me a conqueror.
I read my favourite verse after reading this chapter and was really encouraged to look at myself differently and make a shift from self-confidence to God-confidence
; ie Isaiah 52
Good News Translation (GNT)
52 Jerusalem, be strong and great again!
Holy city of God, clothe yourself with splendor!
The heathen will never enter your gates again.
2 Shake yourself free, Jerusalem!
Rise from the dust and sit on your throne!
Undo the chains that bind you,
captive people of Zion!.
Confidence is something I have struggled with for such a long time. Reading the chapter on Confidence - God Confidence is what I was missing all along. I put too much trust into my self and relying solely on my own experiences, skills, and talents but often questioning whether or not I was good enough. But when I put my trust in God and developed the confidence in Him knowing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, was all I needed to fully understand that with God-Confidence, I can be and achieve all things! I love the Character Makeover Book!!! It has helped me tremendously.
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