Do you have any experiences with the Patience chapter to share? What action steps have you tried? What stories do you have about the need for patience in your life? What encouragement can you offer to other readers on the patience portion of their journey?
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Katie Brazelton & Shelley Leith
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14 comments:
We do go too fast through life, and the comment in the book about "Lisa" not getting "deep enough" with her kids is true. We all do that. I know I have a lot of surface knowledge, but how deep do I go in anything? I don't have the patience to go deep.
I like the section in the book where it talks about just stand there and wait for God. Boy have I messed things up because I "just did something", and not waited on God. Going back to me "deeper" comment, sometimes it is when we are just standing there that lessons sink in and we reach that deepness.
Today I taught Sunday School. My class is usually the K-5 group, but my class was very small today (1 first grader) and the preschool teacher wasn't there. I volunteered to take my one student and we hung out with the preschool children. Normally, preschool is not my favorite age. I like to do something. I like engaging lessons. I like discussions. I like constructive activities. It is really challenging to get a preschooler to play any game that has over 2 steps to it. So there I was today with 5 students. For my 1st grader, I put on a Veggie Tales video (you gotta love Bob and Larry) and the other 4 preschoolers had a loud debate on whether to dabble in play dough or color. I chose to put play dough on one table and coloring on another. Didn't matter, where ever I was, they were there too. So once we got settled and all sat around the same table, some coloring and some making play dough pie, I was able to peek into the lives 4 and 5 years olds. They were helping each other, they were conversing with each other, they were giving each other their opinions. I was flabbergasted. These little hands were being constructive (drawing pictures for moms and dads and making play dough pie for all to share). They were encouraging one another. They were discussing ideas. These children were carrying on like any age group would, it is just that I, being a sophisticated adult, never took the time to be part of one their groups to really see that. I guess the moral of the story is, if we take the time to really see people at their level, even preschoolers, the results are surprisingly pleasant. I just might go back and engage with the preschool students again. It was very refreshing.
When I consider how many times this week my prayers began with "forgive me", it is no surprise I latched onto CM's nudge to remember God's patience with me - and how often other people have poured mercy on my transgressions. That takes me to a place where I want to be more patient with all my heart, and return to my humility roots. What a difference it makes when I have a right view of God, others and myself. Proper perspective puts love in sharp focus so I can patiently see clear to trusting God, cutting people some slack and taking my pride out of the picture. It's also a good snap-shot to keep in my pocket when I'm on the hunt and life's got me waiting. One of the most powerful lines in this chapter for me was, " In order to be a good wait-er, we need to get our theology straight. Those who are good at waiting are those who are convinced that God will provide, that He is on schedule, and that He is in control." So, once again, I'm reminded that when I shift the focus off myself and onto Him, my character develops.
Day 27 - Waiting on God
Oh my darlings, I wish I could tell you I had the patience of saints. I wish that the first thing that came to someone’s mind when they thought of patience was a picture of my bright and smiling face. Sadly, when the good Lord was shipping out the patience gene, the airline lost mine. I have had a claim in for the past 34 years, but baggage claim still has not found it. Go figure!
Today’s lesson is on patience, in case you had not guessed already. I am a by-product of the me generation. I want it all and I want it now! I have no problem working for what I get in life. I just want you to notice my hard work right away!
In this chapter we talked all about the two W’s…waiting and wilderness. I have done my fair share of both! It seems I have done a lot of waiting in my lifetime! Waiting is not stranger to me, but patiently waiting is.
In the last part of the chapter, we were asked if we were experiencing or have ever experienced a wilderness wait in our lifetime. We were asked what happened, how did God strengthen us, and what was the outcome. I believe the following story is an example of all three of these questions.
When I was 17 I met the man of my dreams, or so I thought. He was older, handsome, charming, had a great car and had the ability to make me feel emotions so powerful that my knees grew weak at the mention of his name. Signs flashed everywhere to run as fast as I could in the other direction. However, I clung tight to my hunk of love. A few days after I graduated high school, I married him. There was and still is no doubt that we loved each other …to death. We had a toxic love to put it mildly. Five years after we married, we divorced.
To love someone so hard and so deep and loose them is a devastating thing.
This is where God, who I did not know at the time, placed me in a dark and desperate wilderness. The tree’s of my wilderness were so thick I could barely see in front of me. I wandered there for 3 and a half years. I had no place do go once we split, and had to move in someplace I did not want to. When that fell apart, I moved in with my parents where I lived daily with the I told you so’s.
I dated a few people here and there. My list of wonderful men who paraded through my life at the time were:
A man who was more interested in partying and playing play station then having a serious relationship.
A man who lived three states away and had some serious family issues.
A man who right before we met, just got his ex-girlfriend pregnant with no intentions of marring her but every intention of caring for his child.
An ex-boyfriend from high school tracking me down and whispering words of undying love…problem? He was now an alcoholic.
A man who after one beer fell to the floor, clutching my leg and crying (with real tears) please don’t go home.
And last but not least, a stalker. A genuine, fear your life, call the police I am scared to death stalker!
Scary men, were not the only thing parading through my wilderness. There was tons of debt from my marriage. Having trouble obtaining reliable transportation. Trying to find a job that would allow me to have a place of my own with no luck and a loss of several friends. It seems that when you become divorced, you become an outcast in many circles. Friends don’t want to choose sides, even though you don’t ask them to. Religions think you’re a bad person, even if it wasn’t your fault. And everyone who knew it never should have happened love to take the sick and poke it in the giant hole that sits where your heart once was.
Life was not my friend. Breathing was a chore and an unwanted one at that. I felt alone and abandoned by many. In my brokenness, I packed up all I could fit in my car and $200.00 and moved 3000 miles away.
Slowly, the sun began to shine on the wilderness and the trees began to thin out. When I came to the edge of my wilderness, I found myself looking out over a vast prairie. It’s name? My life!
God not only restored what was broken, but made it better. He gave me a man who loves me more then mere words could express. He gave me a home that is cozy and filled with laughter and love. He gave me a job filled with people I love.
God brought me to his side and showed me how he had been with me all along. He gave me not one, but two wonderful church families and he has even started the ever so slight mending of family relationships.
God let me have what I wanted at first. He let me fall flat on my face. He allowed me to be battered and bruised (in more ways then one) He let me act like a child and run wild. Finally, I had enough. I was tired of being beat down. I cried out “I’m done!” and like the wise father he is, he picked me up. He nursed my wounds. He held me close and whispered everything was going to be fine now, daddy’s here. Then he gave me what I needed.
Which is far more beautiful then what I wanted and way better then I deserve!
Nellie ;~)
Day 28 - Exposing your inner Shrek
I love the Shrek movies. In fact, I own them all. I have watched them numerous times. Each time I watch it I notice things I did not notice before and they have yet to cease to be funny!
Could it be that as I watch the adventures of Shrek unfold, I am secretly laughing at myself? Makes you wonder doesn’t it?
Donkey cracks me up…on screen. In real life Donkey gets on my nerves. I have known many Donkey’s in my lifetime.
Ever heard the expression, I have one nerve left and you are standing on it? Well the Donkey’s in my life seem to not only stand on it but do amazing tight rope feats on it! The inner circus of my nerves is a spectacle like you have never seen!
Through my spiritual walk, I have become more tolerant of the Donkey’s of my life. Do they still bother me. Oh yes, but it takes much longer to loose my cool.
Shrek and Fiona are like kind of like me and God.
I, like Shrek, become irritated easily. I am an imperfect person in an imperfect place. I don’t like to let people close because then they will see my flaws and wish to change them, instead of loving me just the way I am.
Like Shrek, I have my ways and I have my routine. Don’t come along and bother me. It messes up my day, not to mention my life!
Fiona is like God. She came in. She loved Shrek even with all his flaws. She held him close and gently steered him the other direction when he was going the wrong way. Fiona fought for Shrek and stood by him, even when no one else would. She put herself and her life on the line for him because she loved him.
As the Shrek series progresses you see Shrek become a little kinder. He slowly molds into a different person. Someone who is changed and changing due to a pure unconditional love.
Isn’t that what happens to us when we come to know God? We change and continue to change due to his unconditional love.
Nellie ;~)
Day 29 - How to slow down
Slow is a word not in my vocabulary. It often seems I don’t have time to slow down. There is so much to do and so little time to get it done. Dishes, laundry, work, cleaning the house, yard work, and paying bills. All that is to be done before noon! If I had children, I probably would never sleep again!!!
Every day I make lists, set goals, and work, work, work! I have learned to thrive on being busy.
Perhaps it is discontentment of some sort. Perhaps its to fill the void of very little family and no children. Perhaps it is because I have a mental disorder. Perhaps it’s a combination of all of these. Let’s be honest. I don’t even have time to tell you all this!
Want to hear something funny? As I was reading this chapter I remembered something in a book a read that talked about focusing on the task at hand. It said it was okay to make lists, it was okay to set goals, but only focus on the most important thing right in front of you and focus only on that until it is complete.
For example, let’s say you have three things on your to do list. Pay bills, send out some emails and clean the hall closet. You assess the list, pick the most important first, let’s say paying bills, and focus on that. Do nothing else until all the bills are paid. Once that is complete, you move on to the next item on the list.
If for some reason, you were unable to complete you list do to an emergency, it was okay to let it carry over to the next day. The important thing was to focus on the task at hand.
I’ll have you know, I tried it and it worked beautifully! I got more done in less time. I was less stressed. Things ran smoother both at work and home because I took my time and did it right without confusion and stress.
Funny thing is, I don’t know why I stopped. Knowing me, I got to impatient with myself and felt I should move faster.
I think I am going to go back to that. It was a great way to train yourself on being patient. Focus on the task at hand.
Nellie ;~)
Day 30 - Your Patience Coach
Have you ever seen the movie Charlie and the Chocolate factory? If so, do you remember the rich little girl named Veruca Salt? If you have seen the movie you know who I am talking about. She was the little girl who only knew three words. I WANT and NOW!
If she saw it she wanted it. She did not care about how much it cost or what it took to get it. All she knew is she wanted it and she wanted it now.
Her father would try to reason with her. He would try to get her to wait and be patient, but she wanted no part of his words of wisdom and advice. She wanted it and she wanted it now!
The father always caved to her. She always got what she wanted. In the end, look what it got her. Down the hole and into the garbage.
Aren’t you glad that us Veruca Salts of the world do not have a heavenly father like that? Catering to our every whim, knowing that in the end, that is not what is best for us.
I believe that sometimes God gives us our way knowing it is not good for us. Like little Veruca’s father, he gives in. He says “fine, have it your way!” Unlike Veruca’s father, he does not give in to get us to “shut up” he gives in to teach us lessons. He knows that once we land in the trash heap, we will see he was right all along and will listen the next time he tells us no.
As I have stated in previous posts, patience is not something I possess naturally. I must work on it A LOT!!!! Little Veruca and I have much in common. We both love to sing at the top of our lungs… “don’t care how, I want it now!”
If I had a dollar for every time I have belted out that song and rushed right into doing something that was going to inevitably land me in the trash heap, I think I could quite possibly be the richest women in the world by now!
Why am I so impatient, you ask? I will tell you and I am going to be very honest. I fear God will not do it MY way. Examples:
Finances - God will provide. His way may mean hot dogs and mac and cheese to show me how foolish I was in financial choices. My way would mean Ed McMann knocks on my door and declares I am the Publishers Clearing House winner and I did not even enter!
Marital Issues - All marriages go through ups and downs, God’s way may mean opportunities for marital bible study, or bringing a couple into our lives that has overcome much in their marriage. My way would for God to pop my husband upside his head and tell him to “wise up moron! She is always right!”
You see God’s way is time consuming, but lesson learning. My way is quick no lessons are learned. God’s way requires deep movement within the soul. My way is shallow. God’s way means building stronger foundations. My way just involves sweeping it under the rug and pretending it didn’t exist.
We all wish we were rich, had ground worshiping spouses and anything we wanted came with a snap of the fingers. That’s how it worked in Veruca’s world right?
True, but look at Veruca. No one liked her. She was spoiled and had no real friends and no appreciation for the life she had been given. Her life was meaningless. It was all about the stuff she had and what other kinds of stuff she could add to her collection.
We complain about the state of our society today. Take a moment to envision what it would be like it our heavenly father was like Veruca’s father.
Chilling isn’t it?
Let us take a moment to praise God that he is not like that. He gives us what we need and sometimes, that requires us to sit and wait. To be patient.
Sometimes, that is the only way we are going to see or be appreciative of the gift when it comes.
Nellie ;~)
Day 31- Steps to Patience
Today is an action step day. A time to choose from a list of things that we can do to help us to develop patience.
Confession time: Before continuing I wanted to mention that you might have noticed my pattern has changed since I first started on this book. I used to do a chapter day (Monday through Friday) and then use the weekends for prayer and meditation over the week. I found that I would not stick to that pattern.
It has not been easy being open and honest with not only myself, but God and whoever else is reading this. I found that I was taking that time to avoid thinking about all that I had learned! So now I work on a chapter every day!
Now on to the action steps I have chosen!
I will change my pace.
I have come a long way in the already. Many years ago I was a three times a day Venti Café Mocha drinker with a triple shot of espresso. Run. Run. Run. That was me. If moving to the south has taught me anything, it is slower is better. However upon occasion I still get that triple shot mentality and start running. When I find myself going that way, I will stop, breathe and slow down.
I will meet God outdoors.
Fall is coming up and I am going to start planning some outdoor fall activities. Here in the south, fall is a beautiful time of year. The colors of the leaves are amazing. You really will see the miracles of God in the colors of the leaves!
I will pray in a new way.
Actually, in an old way renewed. When I first came to Christ, I prayed a lot. I prayed to God as if I were talking to him face to face. As I started hanging around more and more Christians, my prayers became filled with Christianese. I began praying in ways that I do not speak and saying things I do not say. For example, if I were talking to you I would not say: “Oh gracious and earthly reader, thou hast placed much burden upon thy heart. I knowest not what I shall do!” If I did talk to you in this manner, you would probably laugh at me. To be honest when I pray to God in this manner, I cannot help but to wonder if he too is laughing. He knows that is not how I talk and when I first came to Christ I did not talk that way. I talked to him in my everyday language and from the heart. I am taking the Christianese out of my prayers and going back to heart to heart with God.
I will pray.
When I feel impatient, I will send up prayers to God for the situation I am impatient for, and they will be in plain English.
I will listen.
I will focus on what people are saying and not allow my mind to wander to my to do list!
I will be flexible and interruptible.
I am going to try my hardest to not go by the list so much and to be okay when my list is interrupted. I will try to look for the blessing in the interruption.
These final two actually tie in with the above, so I feel there is no real explanation for them.
I will practice going slower.
I will practice being there.
I wanted to throw in a little side note.
Yesterday I spoke about focusing on the task at hand. I practiced that all day yesterday. I was able to get more done in half the time because I was not scattered and in 20 different directions. Also, when an interruption did come up, I was far less aggravated because I only had one thing going instead of 20.
Yesterday was a productive and pleasant day!
Character Makeover Week Five Action Step Updates…
It seems that when it came to picking action steps on week five I had a case of the gung-ho’s. I picked eight different action steps. They were:
1. I will change my pace.
2. I will meet God outdoors,
3. I will pray in a new way.
4. I will pray.
5. I will listen.
6. I will be flexible.
7. I will be interruptible.
8. I will practice going slower and being there.
Isn’t funny that week five I chose the most action steps and yet, they were all about changing my pace????
As far as pace is concerned, I have attempted to change it, but life seems to keep getting in the way. It seems that every time I say I am going to take it slow, take it easy, something happens and I have to hustle. When I finally do have the time to slow down, I am to wound up to quit. I am going to keep at this one.
I have been getting out of the house more and in doing so I have been seeing God outdoors. Isn’t it amazing that you can really see so much of God and creation in nature all around you?
I am doing more of a prayer revisited then a pray in a new way kind of thing. When I first became a Christian, I prayed for everything. The family in the funeral precession that passed me on the road. Someone on a news story. The person I was sending an email to. I have returned to these habits.
I have always been a good listener. People have always told me this. I love to hear what people have to say. You may be asking yourself why I picked it then. It was to help me to remember that listening is not my problem, answering is. I have an answer for everything. God gave me the gift of speech and I use it, constantly and daily. Problem is, the reminder did me no good. The mouth of the south still rides!
I believe that being flexible and interruptible are one in the same, both of which I stink terribly at! Once I get my mind set on doing something, I just want to do it and get it over with. It does not matter if it is work or play, I made up my mind so I am moving in that direction. Don’t get in my way, because I will more then likely bite your head off! God is still working with me.
The last action step, going slower and being there, I think we have already covered, and as you know, I have not done well. Maybe by the next update….
Until next time…
Nellie
My wilderness wanderings... by auntbeaskitchen.net
I had just come out of the victories of selling our home in California at the top of the real estate market and making lots of money. I had also had the victory of helping my dad in his final days of life and got to pray blessings over him 12 hours before he died and God let me see first hand that he had grown closer to God. I had victory in overseeing his final affairs and selling his home to the first person that saw it for full asking price. Then we went into the wilderness of the debacle of the Myrtle Beach investment properties with all the questions of why and how. We were trying to be good stewards of our money by investing it, but ended up being upside down and needing to do short sales. I processed all the feelings of guilt, shame, anger, stupidity failure, and embarrassment. Working so hard to try and do all the right things only to have a big bank cause us to loose 3 deals and let us fall into a black hole in their system.
God has strengthened me and spoken words of love, trust and affirmation to me. When I’ve felt stupid and thought that He would never trust me with money again, He called me a learner and not a failure. His presence has been very real to me when anxiety was threatening to takeover and the peace I’ve felt could only have come from Him.
I’m praying that the final outcome will be that I will be less prone to judge other’s circumstances knowing that they may be in a God ordained wilderness wandering, and that when circumstances threaten to bring stress and anxiety that I will be quick to get into His presence and receive His peace. Patient persistence and trust have been keys to walking through all of this, as there have been no quick fixes.
Since graduating from Seminary in December, it seems I've been "looking forward" to one thing after another. Looking forward to landing a ministerial position. Looking forward to beginning my Life Purpose Coaching Training. Having the patience to live in the present while looking forward to the future is anything but easy. Today's Sunday School lesson in my Sunday School class was on Patience. Things at my present secular job are not going so well, and I've been praying for God to move me. What I heard Him say to me today was, "Why don't you just trust me and have a little patience??" Wow! Sometimes the situations from which we are fleeing the fastest are the ones through which God wants to move the most. I am learning that the key is to "be still" and know that He is God. Rather than rushing around and thrashing about and reminding yourself that He is God...
I have had an issue with patience every since I was a child. I want everything to happen now, and am a very results oriented person. I look at this as a pro and a con.
On the pro side, I am a go getter. If something has to be put into action, I'm your girl. However, on the con side, I get so anxious and can really stress myself out if I am not careful. I have to understand the difference between my time and God's time. If I want things done, I can do them in my time, but if I want things done right I have to let God do them in His time.
I agree with Akili. I am an achiever by nature but have just recently discovered that what I achieve is not who I am and it doesn't define my worth in God's eyes. That takes so much pressure off. Now I only want what God thinks I need. My journey with patience has been in growing our family. I know God will answer - He has shown me Scriptures and affirmed this desire of my heart. I only need to wait for His perfect way and timing with our adoption process. I can't wait to see our God story unfold :)
Well this is combined self-control and patience...
In the past week I have had my son wake me up every morning at 5:30am -occasionally 6am. Me=not a morning person, so extra grace/self-control/patience required. I have also jumped into the ocean fully clothed to rescue son's ball from being taken by the tide, only to exit from the sea quite wet, to have it then rain on us at the beach. And I currently have laryngitis. (I do enjoy my chatting, so this is a real inconvenience)
So, what am I learning? Go to bed earlier, expect the unexpected and be quiet and listen!
I think God has challenged me in some really interesting and creative ways during the last 5 weeks-- I was actually dreading the self-control and patience weeks because I felt like they were a weak point for me, but actually, I've really enjoyed them. (Cold ocean not so much though)
I feel God's really pushed me in areas surrounding prayer and fasting and I feel like I'm in a better place of assessing situations and turning to prayer first. Though still am not massively brilliant at doing this at work. That means there's growing room though!
So I continue on in quiet and prayer journalling... wondering what will happen during the contentment week?
Hi, my name is JoAnne Laflin, and I am new to Life Purpose Coaching. I want to comment on Patience. Currently I am walking alongside a friend of mine who is 32 years old with Stage iv cancer. There have been several nights where another friend and I had stayed up all night getting her through a very rough night, just for her to say days later that she feels we are smothering her. It was in patience and love that I answered her and told her the concern but that she has the right to re-establish boundaries and I will respect that. I am learning patience in two ways with this walk. First, I am learning to take a long deep breath during those long nights knowing I had to be patient until there was relief for this young woman and then 2.) I had to be patient with waiting on the sidelines for the next time there is an incident and I will have to show up. It makes me think about how patient the Lord must be with us. Think how many times He is on the sidelines waiting for us to ask Him too show up.
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