Do you have any experiences with the Self-Control chapter to share? What action steps have you tried? What stories do you have about the need for self-control in your life? What encouragement can you offer to other readers on the self-control portion of their journey?
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Katie Brazelton & Shelley Leith
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14 comments:
Thanks for the eye-opener on p. 138. I never saw Samson as a "weakling, controlled and manipulated by his appetites, impulses and feelings."
p.149 - since Day 2, I have prayed that since my tongue cannot be tamed, that God would ANOINT it.
This is site is great!...but I have spent ages on the self-control section of Character Makeover. Maybe I should just stay here as there is SO much to do. Through the challenges presented in this book I am having more courage to face the issues (in me)that need self control. At the moment it is a real challenge to watch what I say as an American in another country, keeping the bond of unity in my small, rural fellowship. Blessings to the authors!
I think words are pretty hot stuff. Not only do they have the power of life and death, but their longevity rivals Methuselah. Once they make their debut, they're yours for life. No wonder my CM Master Plan includes "stop and think" before I speak.
I want only uplifting and life-giving words to escape my lips, so I decided to adopt God's answer to releasing Jan from her rage trap to trap any stinger-propelled words before they torpedo out of control and cause irreversible damage. I never realized how much "KNOWING GOD LEADS TO SELF-CONTROL. Self- control leads to patient endurance and patient endurance leads to godliness." ~ 2 Peter 1:1:6 NLT. And godliness, I believe, leads to holding my tongue while God holds my heart.
I started out on the section of Self-Control. I have two temptations right now, shopping and eating. I shop because I get really lonely. And I eat because I'm so frustrated. This book has taught me to look for the signs of God all around me. The more control I give over to God, the less frustrating my decisions are. I think before speaking now. Sometimes it takes me a few minutes to come up with an answer to peoples questions. But, it works. I'm no longer in a hurry to finish peoples sentences. I can't wait to see what is in store next. I can predict my favorite chapter being courage.
Self-control is a character trait I think we all struggle with. So, I started this chapter first. What an eye-opener. Letting God handle my problems, when they overwhelm me, and just knowing he is in the boat with me when my boat seems to capsize, capsize as in the problems that seem so important at the time. It's comforting to know he's with me.
Day 22 - Empowered by God
The topic for this week is self control…oh my darlings, I wish I could tell you I have excellent self control. I wish I could boast that when you looked up the definition of self control in the dictionary, there was my bright and shiny face staring back at you. I wish I could tell you that self control, was a piece of cake for me. However, I am actually more likely to eat the cake, along with a second slice while I tell you I am pretty much void of self control. Self control is not something God blessed me with naturally.
The author sited several biblical examples of self control or lack there of.
David: He had the opportunity to kill Saul several times. Many might argue that if he would have, he would have been justified in doing so. However, he kept himself under control and reminded himself it was not his place to harm God’s anointed king.
Samson: Samson was indulgent and excessive. He was controlled and ruled by his desires. Those came to a horrible end when he gave Delilah the secrets to his strengths. His lust and lack of control where his demise.
Martha: Martha wanted Mary to behave in the same fashion she was. She wanted Mary to work just as hard as she was. She even wanted Jesus to confirm her feelings. However He did not. Martha wanted to control Mary’s actions and became angry and bitter when she could not.
Once the author went into length about these characters and discussed the various types of control, self, none, or other, a self control checklist was provided to kind of gauge where we were in this spectrum. I discovered a few things about myself, yet at the end was able to rejoice over negative actions that I have already changed.
Personal life:
It seems I have a few issues with habitual self indulgence, I love to be pampered.
Negative self talk is something I struggle with still.
Overspending. I have been known to max out a credit card or two or three…
Perfectionism. I think we already established that in previous posts and is of no surprise.
Unbalanced diet. I suffer from a hormone imbalance that keeps me heavy. I have learned to accept this, however, I still tell myself upon occasion that it does not matter if I eat the cake or vegetables, I’m still going to be heavy.
Relationships with others:
I found some encouragement in this section because there are three negative habbits that I have already broken!
They are: Compromising of values to be accepted, the need to be a caretaker, and sexual immorality.
I still need to work on being a people pleaser and the need to fix, change or improve others.
Verbal / Emotional:
I occasionally still have problems with anger that harms myself or others, criticism, and negativity. Now as disheartening as this could be, when I compare myself now to my old self, I rarely do these things. It seems these things only surface now when you push the correct button. The great thing about that is the button is getting worn out and harder to push!
I still have a bit of a problem with gossip. I will not gossip about you by telling your secrets, but if you start talking to me about someone else, I find myself sucked into it like a fur ball to a vacuum!
Time Management: I did not see any choices that I felt I had a problem with. I did but a question mark next to excessive activities. I am involved in a lot of things right now, but I don’t feel that they control my life. I am really enjoying all my activities so I am not sure if that counts. I will ask God to let me know if it is excessive.
Compulsive or Addictive Behaviors: This one was interesting. I was so proud when I was able to say that I no longer had an issue with alcohol, drugs or smoking. HOWEVER, I do love my caffeine, sugar, cleaning and organizing and possibly shopping. I will pray on these to see if they are within healthy boundaries.
We moved on from the check list to an attributes assessment chart. We were to color in one to five boxes showing where we were on the attribute scale, one box being week and all five boxes being strong.
In love, affection, and perseverance, I colored in all five boxes. When I love, I love deep and all from my heart, which often times is conveniently located on my sleeve. Love is often what gives me my perseverance.
In faith, goodness, knowledge, and godliness, I colored in three boxes. I only gave myself three boxes because I often find myself questioning myself. Some questioning is healthy but I strive to be one of those people who knows these things without a shadow of a doubt!
I only colored in two boxes in self control. I think if you read any of the above, you can see why.
I am so glad that God has given me the knowledge to not only see what I need to work on, but to also see how far I have come.
I am grateful that although this journey started off rocky for me, He has given me peace and comfort and has used this book to help me in many other ways. Doors have been opened that I did not know ever would.
Until tomorrow my darlings…
Nellie ;~)
Day 23: Anger Exposing your Inner Fred Flintstone
Anger is something that I am no stranger to. It is something that I have battled as far back as I can remember. Anger is one emotion that I have ever had any problem showing.
One thing I love about reading this book and doing the exercises, is it has given me perspective on not only where I need to go, but where I have come from. I am really starting to see just how much God has done in my life.
I now am starting to see that I do have areas of my life that still need work, but I truly am a new creation in Christ because I really am seeing the difference in who I was.
Anger and I were introduced at an early age. Anger and I have seen a lot together. For the majority of my life, I took it with me everywhere. Anger was at home, in school, on dates, with friends, at the grocery store, the library…I think you get the point.
My father was an angry man. He was angry and anything and everything. From what I understand his father was the same. Give my father a little alcohol or drugs and that anger did not take long to turn to rage!
I moved a lot as a child, and part of my life I lived with my grandparents. My grandfather was retired from the army, therefore, very militant. Sometimes, he was just ultra firm, other times however, he had that militant anger they taught you in order to survive. I often wondered if he realized his loved ones were not his soldiers.
While growing up, I thought anger was a natural reaction. You were supposed to be angry right? Isn’t everybody?
When you grow up in an angry household, you become angry. You’re angry because they are angry. They lash out at you, so you in turn want to lash out at someone else. You learn that it is okay to lash out at someone else! It’s okay to be angry and to hold on to that anger with dear life!
Growing up I was angry with my friends because they had “normal” lives and I did not. I was angry that I was abused and no one else around me was. I was angry that my father and grandfather was angry. I was angry that no one stepped in and stopped their anger. I was angry I was born and when I tried to end my life, I was angry that I was not successful!
When I turned eighteen, I moved out on my own. Leaving anger behind. Life was going to start off new! Not by a long shot. I unknowingly packed up my anger with my underwear and moved it with me.
I moved in with my boyfriend, later to become my first husband, who was just as angry as I was. So here we are young and naïve and we take our individual pots of anger and dump them into a large caldron and watch it boil. The oil and water of our anger concoction never seemed to quite mixed. No matter how hard we stirred the pot, we could never get it to blend. Not surprising after five years we went our separate ways.
I was a walking time bomb. I was the calm before the storm. I was an angry ball of I don’t know, but it was a ball of something!
Then, enters Jesus. Isn’t it funny how He enters you life, and things change with no real effort on your part. Once you truly accept Him things just seem to disappear and fade away. It’s like trading in a Pacer for a Mercedes. It’s like changing from Wal-Mart to Bloomingdales. It’s like turning from broken pieces of glass, to a beautiful Tiffany lamp.
The most amazing thing is, you don’t see it, not at first. Then one day something comes along and you realize, hey something’s changed. When you look back you often cannot see the exact moment. Maybe there wasn’t one, it was just a gradual slow change. One thing is for certain though, there was a change.
I still get angry from time to time. Not near as often as I used to. I have found that I am able to hold my tongue a little easier now. Sometimes I have to grab my stapler and duct tape to do it, but it gets held. Sometimes, I don’t get the stapler and duct tape fast enough and my angry words pour out like word vomit. But hey, you have to crawl before you can walk right?
Nellie ;~)
Day 25 - Your self control coach
As I was doing the exercises for today, I noticed something. It is not a new revelation by any means, but I notice the patterns and extremes. Allow me to explain.
I make to do lists every day. I sort them by priority and do what I can. What I can’t get done goes over to the next available time I have to do it. I like this method and will continue to do this.
I noticed however, that I do this without scheduling any time for myself then, when I am good and exhausted, I take a break….a long break and then I sit around and do NOTHING FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME. Then everything builds up and backs up only to put me in the mad rush. Then I catch up things go smooth, I get tired, do nothing for awhile and the cycle repeats over and over. What I lack is balance and consistency.
This is what I must work on!
Sometimes, I feel so smart!
Nellie ;~)
Day 24, How to Reduce Stress….
Stress, can't live with it and can't seem to escape it! If you are a living being with a pulse, you know the feeling. We have all been stressed a time or two in our lives. I myself know stress very well.
Today's chapter could not have come at a better time. In this chapter we talk about the top 10 destressors. I thought it would be nice not only to list them but to give a little bit of an action plan for each one.
Don't add to your stress: start eliminating.
I am a happy about this one because I feel like I am ahead of the game here. I do not function well in clutter. I have begun to clean out all my closets and garage and this weekend I am having a yard sale. I will use that money to pay some bills. Double whammy stress reliever!
Remove some stress by delegating.
This one is hard for me to do, but not for the reason you might think. There are three people who live in my home. Myself, my husband, and my mother moved in about a year ago. I basically work from 9 to 5. My husband however is a truck driver. He works from the time they tell him to show up until the time they tell him to go home. My mother works full time and goes to school. I never know if there is every going to be anyone home to delegate to! At work, I spend much of my day alone, hence no delegation there either. I believe this one will take some creative thinking!
Release stress by rejuvenating.
This is something I LOVE to do! I love to take some time out to read and give myself little "spa" treatments. I don't make much time to do these things. I would love to at least have an hour alone to myself everyday to relax and be with just me. I think I may have to start implementing this.
Refocus on your passion when stress is escalating.
When I figure out what my passion is, I will be sure to do that!
Don't avoid your stress; it will be waiting for you.
This is very true. That is why I personally have lived by the quick like a band-aid philosophy! No time like the present. Let's just do it and get it over with!
Don't increase your stress by exaggerating.
I am a quick and admittedly an over-reactor. Age and spiritual growth have really calmed that down a bit, but it is still something that I struggle with. I continue to work on this on a daily basis.
Address your stress by prioritizing and evaluating.
I am one step ahead on this as well. I am pretty good, not perfect, but not bad at prioritizing and evaluating what is important or not, when it comes to all but one aspect of my life. I have trouble evaluating my own state and making me a priority when I have had too much. I will work harder on making this happen.
Get help with your stress by organizing and coordinating.
I am an organized individual, being unorganized stresses me. I don't think I need much help in this department.
Manage your stress by not deviating. Stay praying. Stay Healthy. Stay on schedule.
During times of extreme stress, my prayer life goes way down. Most people say that is when it goes way up! I often forget that God can handle my stress and feel like my problem is not important enough to bother him with especially with all he had to deal with! I must remember to let go and let God. Stay healthy…….I do need to step it up on my diet and exercise….I will make that one of my priorities. Stay on schedule? If you read the above, you know that with my job and home, that is something that is difficult to do. This too will take some creative thinking!
Deepen your faith, when stress turns to crisis.
For me, I think this is something that fits into the stay praying category.
I would really love to hear any ideas you have about ways to stay on schedule, delegations and ways of eliminating stress.
Before closing, I would like to take the time to tell those of you who are following along with me on this journey that I am going to be changing the way I do this a little bit. I have been doing a lesson Monday thru Friday and taking Saturday and Sunday off, which will actually put me over 40 days.
I have really felt it placed on my heart that I need to work on this every day, so from now on I will be doing a lesson each day.
Thank you all for your love and support!
Blessings!
Nellie ;~)
Day 26 - Steps to Self Control
Please forgive that it has taken me so long to post my thoughts. I have been a little under the weather and have been a wee bit behind. I am feeling somewhat normal today, so I will do my best to catch up without pushing the limits!
Today we had a large variety of action steps to choose from with regards to developing self control over mouth, self discipline, and developing good habits. There were so many interesting choices, it was hard to narrow down to just a few! This is what I chose.
I will give a blessing. This is something I try to do often already. I am always trying to find ways to be encouraging and say nice things about others. Often times I find, people question my sincerity. I am not sure if it is my tone of voice or if it is because I am a generally a joker and kidder. Either way, I am going to work on this and try to seem more sincere without seeming like Eddie Haskell from Leave it to Beaver!
I will be gentle. Since I feel as if I can be honest with you, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I am not sure I was born with the gentle gene! I have always been a spit it out and say it like you mean it kind of gal. Please do not misunderstand. I am not a mean person, I just tend to say what I think and sometimes, it hurts.
For example, let’s say you made a mistake and you are just not sure how to handle it. I would be the friend who general tells you that was a real bone-head thing you did! I would help you find a solution to the problem and I would be there every step of the way and do all I could for you, all the while reminding you…you’re a bone-head!
The above also ties in with my next choice…I will stop and think. Do you think I will ever be able to speak again?
I will be thankful. I am going to not only take a moment to find something to be thankful for every day, but I am also going to try to remember to thank those around me for all that they do.
I will take mini Sabbaths. Honey you don’t have to ask me twice on this one. Praise God this was one of my choices! Would it be wrong it I just took the rest of the week off, stayed in bed and told everyone, leave me alone, I’m on a mini Sabbath? Seriously, I am going to take at least 20 minutes each day to have some down time, alone. During that time, I will do whatever I am in the mood to do, but it must be relaxing. No work or TV involved!
I will keep a journal. I feel that this, my blog, it my journal. I fully intend to do more writing when this book is done. More bible studies, and more insights into me, the beautifully random!
I will exercise. Technically, by sitting here typing, I am burning calories! However, I am sure that is not the point of this choice! I will be honest, and tell you that I am going to wait until I make a full recovery from my illness before I start this one. Mark my words, I will start! For now, sitting here typing congested and with very little voice will have to do as exercise!
Nellie ;~)
Character Makeover Week Four Action Step Update…
It seems that on week four, I picked several action steps:
1. I will give a blessing.
2. I wills stop and think.
3. I will be gentle.
4. I will be thankful.
5. I will start exercising.
6. I will take mini Sabbaths.
7. I will keep a journal.
Well, I guess the best place to begin is at the beginning.
I have tried my best to give a blessing, however, since it would defeat the purpose, I have not asked if anything I have done has turned out to be a blessing, so I really do not know how well I did on this one.
Part of the problem of being quick witted is that stopping and thinking is a foreign concept. In fact, it is so foreign that I picked it, but did absolutely nothing with it. Up-side? At least I am honest!
I am a big girl. Fluffy, some might say. Big girls are full of life, just sometimes, life spills out of the mouth in a way that is inappropriate. My father used to tell me to never let my mouth write a check my butt cannot cash. When they are the same size, it is a little difficult. My point? Gentleness again is a foreign concept. This challenge, unlike the last one was a hair bit easier. A few times I have actually caught myself having a gentle tongue. Yeah me!!!! Only goes to show that God still works miracles today!
I will be thankful…piece of cake. It is very hard to not be thankful when God has brought you out of the grips of hell. The first thing I do every morning and the last thing I do every night is give thanks.
Exercising…well…huh… you see…it’s like this here….Okay no excuses. I started walking around the neighborhood. I even multi-tasked and prayer walked. HOWEVER, it only lasted two days and I gave up. I have no excuse. I am just tired by the time I get home, and when you are tired, excuses come easy.
Mini Sabbaths have been my favorite part. It’s me time! Sometimes I take a few minutes to read my book. Sometimes it is to watch a show on television without interruptions. Sometimes it is to do something like a facial or paint my nails. Sometimes it is to just sit and be. To relax and unwind.
Keeping a journal was something that I picked because I have always wanted to do it, but never stuck to it. Every time I sat down to write a journal I imagined filling it up with witticisms and lavish stories, that long after I am gone, people will read and think…wow, what an amazing person! My current journal is still blank. I flip through the pages and look at it as art. I call my masterpiece…pure as snow.
Until next time…
Nellie
Katie,
This week, I re-read the chapter on self-control and decided this time to actually do the action plan. The problem was that I literally wanted to check every single item on the list; but at last, self-control won out and I settled for 1or 2 in each category. Self-Discipline is definitely an area that God has been speaking to me about and I want to conquer it. In reading the scripture, 1 Cor 9:24-27; I have highlighted the words in 27 “…I beat my body and make it my slave.” That statement really reminds me that I actually do have the ability to control my actions.
I believe self-control is one of the hardest character traits to practice in our society. A society that promotes self-indulgence. The chapter on self-control really opened my eyes to the large number of symptoms related to self-control issues! It convicted me to PRAY hard about the issue of self-control in my own life. Thank you for allowing God to use you to speak to me on such an important, and long overlooked, area!
I believe that self-control is one of my biggest issues. I have some bad habits that I want to change. From time-to-time I find myself in the telling/giving advice mode. I don't think Jesus as an influential leader or life coach was like this. I'm attempting to change this habit about myself and become a better coach-like listener. But, it takes some self-control to change a habit. In addition, I don't think Jesus judged people or put people in stereotypical boxes. He saw people not where they were but where they were going. He always saw them as beautiful, talented, with potential--and he still does. As a Christian, I'm not as interested in saying "I am a Christian," as I am trying "to be" a Christian. It takes a lot of self-control, because I'll often end up sinning, usually in my mind, because of what "I think" about this person or that person. I have to take "self-control" and stop myself and say, "Jesus is in love with this person. How would Jesus feel about that thought I just had?" I intend to try to control my thoughts: seeing more and more of the beauty in each person. I want to look at people through a Jesus lens! Jesus loves each person so much. I want to be more like that. Yes, Lord, help me be more like that. Cheri
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